How Do I Support a Friend Thinking About Suicide?
The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 1 million people die each year from suicide. That is a person every 40 seconds. For every person who dies by suicide, 20 others attempt. For those not in the depths of depression, it’s difficult to understand what drives a person to end their own life. Suicide is a desperate attempt to stop deep, painful, psychological suffering. It is not someone’s first option, but one that is considered when an individual sees no other way to end their pain.
What Do I Look For?
Sometimes a friend or loved one may come out and tell you they are thinking about suicide, but often deeply depressed individuals may not be so direct. According to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, these are some signs that may indicate a friend is considering suicide:
Difficulty performing daily tasks such as bathing, brushing teeth, or getting dressed
Saying they feel out of control or unable to think clearly
Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
Saying they can’t bear the pain or feel that there’s no way out
Looking for ways to kill themselves (like searching online or buying a gun)
Extreme mood swings
Inability to sleep, work, or eat
Talking about being a burden to others
Increased use of alcohol and drugs
Giving away possessions or otherwise planning for death
In the majority of cases, a person going through a period of depression and experiencing suicidal thoughts does not intend to take action to end their life; however, as the alarmingly high rate of suicide indicates, many people do take lethal steps to end their suffering. So how can you identify people who are an imminent danger to themselves and require immediate emergency protection?
Intent: the person has indicated that they indent to take steps to end their life
Method: the person has identified how they would end their life and has access to that method
Plan: the person has said they know where/when they will end their life
In the event that your friend shows they have a method, plan, and intent it is important to focus on keeping them safe - bring them to the ER or call 911.
What Do I Say?
People often express hesitation around talking to a friend about suicide because they fear they may give them dangeous, morbid ideas. While conversations about suicide may be uncomfortable, engaging in an open discussion is one of the most helpful actions a person can do and does not lead to increased risk of acting on suicidal thoughts. But how does someone initiate the conversation and what is the most supportive way to respond if a friend or family member comes to you with thoughts of ending their own life?
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) suggests starting with observations. For example, “I’ve noticed that you [haven’t been sleeping, are posting a lot about death, stopped socializing with friends, etc.].” From there it’s important to offer support and communicate you care. You might say, “I may not understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.” For more ideas about how to start the conversation visit https://seizetheawkward.org/
Remember, it is not about saying the perfect thing, or having solutions to the person’s problems, it is more important to be present, express care, and be willing to listen. Giving a person thinking about suicide an opportunity to express their feelings can provide relief from lonliness and isolation (two significant predictors of suicide). Helping your loved one connect to professional mental health support is an integral next step. Left untreated, suicidal thoughts can intensify.
It can be very anxiety provoking to talk to a friend about suicide, but a willingness to listen with openness and empathy could save a life. For additional guidance and support (for you or a friend considering suicide), contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
References
World Health Organization. (2019).Mental Health. Suicide data. Retrived from https://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/