Supporting Your Loved One with an Eating Disorder During the Holidays
When we think of the holidays, images of time spent with family and friends, practicing gratitude and gift giving, and indulging on all our favorite once-a-year treats come to mind. However, for someone struggling with or in recovery from an eating disorder, the holidays are likely a time of year that has been anticipated with dread for several months. A day like Thanksgiving may prompt significant anxiety as your loved one anticipates navigating the pressure from well-meaning family members to have the extra scoop of mashed potatoes or another slice of pie.
These five tips will hopefully help you feel more prepared and capable to support your loved one during the holidays:
Plan Ahead
If you are the parent of a child or teenager struggling with an eating disorder, talk about it ahead of time! For example, it can be helpful to treat the holiday like any other day in terms of eating. Regularly eating three, balanced meals can help regulate hunger and fullness throughout the day. Discuss what dishes are likely going to be served at the event and who will be plating the meal. You may also want to pre-pack preferred snacks that your child will feel comfortable eating, especially if you plan to be away from home for a lengthy amount of time.
If you are the spouse, partner, or loved one of an adult who is struggling with an eating disorder, have an open and honest conversation about what they might need to cope during the holiday. Ask them ahead of time if they might need encouragement at the table, check-ins throughout the day, and/or a distracting conversation during the meal.
Validate the Struggle
Imagine facing your worst fears in a room full of people. Acknowledge that your child or loved one might be doing one of the scariest things for their brain by sitting at a holiday table and eating a plate of food. Try to encourage your loved one during the meal but avoid making a big deal about what they are specifically consuming. Your job is not to be their therapist or dietician, but to listen, encourage, and empathize.
Separate the Illness from the Person
In eating disorder treatment, we often focus on identifying the “eating disorder voice” or “ED mindset.” It is important to recognize that the eating disorder might be sharing your holiday table. Based on their illness, your loved one might be undernourished, anxious, and/or depressed. Try to separate the behaviors from the person you love and acknowledge that the eating disorder might be making it difficult for them to eat the meal. You do not need to “walk on eggshells” around your loved one and, if you are the parent, you can be both compassionate and firm in reminding your child of the pre-agreed upon plan. Regardless of who your loved one is, remember that family and friends are not responsible for the illness. Eating disorders are extremely complex illnesses.
Be Mindful of Language
Language is a powerful tool we use to communicate. For example, many people during the holidays might harmlessly use the word “binge” to describe how they ate their meal. However, this is not the same as a binge-episode according to the DSM-5. If your loved one struggles with binge episodes, they likely feel out of control, isolated, guilty, disgusted with themselves, and/or eat rapidly and well past feeling uncomfortably full. Additionally, try to avoid discussions that encourage fasting until dinner time to “save room” for the main meal. This might unintentionally encourage disordered eating behaviors like restriction. Finally, avoid, redirect, or shut down discussions related to diets, weight gain, or weight loss.
Remember the “Reason for the Season”
Food might be a central part of your family’s culture and traditions during the holidays; however, try to also emphasize the time spent together, as well as other activities and traditions. It might feel like an overwhelming task to support a loved one with an eating disorder during the holiday but remember why you are coming together for that day and find non-food centered activities to engage in, such as a watching a favorite movie, playing a game, or exploring an event in your town. Eating disorder recovery takes a village and you are playing an important part in that.
Looking for further consultation regarding eating disorders? Get started with Dr. Hosford.