Understanding "Fat Talk"
Imagine looking in the mirror and thinking to yourself, “Ugh, I look fat today.” Easy to think of a time when that occurred, right? Now imagine sitting with friends and hearing someone make a comment like, “Gosh, my arms look so flabby.” Your response may be something like, “You look great! Do you see how bloated I am today?” Whether or not you have said this exact statement, most individuals, particularly women, have had the experience of engaging in self-deprecating body related talk among their friend groups. We call this fat talk. This is a normative, socially expected communication style that primarily occurs within female peer groups. Both hearing and engaging in fat talk is associated with harmful outcomes, such as an increase in self objectification, body dissatisfaction, eating disorder behavior, negative self-esteem, and drive for thinness (Arroyo, Segrin, & Harwood, 2014; Nichter, 2000; Salk & Engeln-Maddox, 2011).
If this behavior is so harmful, why do we do it?
A sign of distress
Using fat talk is a way to be ambiguous about our emotions with a statement such as, “I’m having a fat day,” when, in reality, we may be experiencing underlying uncomfortable emotions, such as stress, depression, or feeling out of control.
To gather support from peers
When engaging in fat talk, a woman often receives a response from her peers affirming that she is not fat, which indicates that the underlying, distressing feeling might not be as bad as it initially seemed.
Strengthen group identity and affiliation
Engaging in fat talk and receiving the response that one is not fat strengthens one’s sense of group membership by affirming that “I do indeed look good,” and that my peers agree. In a group, fat talk allows girls to identify that they do not view themselves as better than the other members of the group. Girls often feel like they need to acknowledge their shared experience of feeling fat, or else separate themselves from the group by implying they think they are “perfect.” It may also serve the function of demonstrating vulnerability and strengthening bonds between peers, as shared intimacy, trust, and emotional closeness often characterize female relationships.
Fighting Fat Talk
Behavioral Challenges and Experiments
One effective way to challenge fat talk is through a process called “cognitive dissonance.” We as humans tend to try to make our beliefs and our actions align. However, when these beliefs and behaviors are inconsistent, it creates dissonance. When individuals speak out and act against fat talk statements, even if they believe them internally, it creates a state of psychological discomfort that over time can lead to changes in our beliefs. So, how do we do this?
Example 1: when you hear your friend make a fat talk statement, counter with something like: “I don’t think we should talk about our bodies that way. Tell me more about that new job opportunity!”
Example 2: stand in front of a mirror with little clothing on and try to say out loud at least 5 neutral or positive aspects of your appearance, such as “I appreciate my legs for allowing me to walk my dog. I like the way my eyes match my shirt. Etc…”
Be specific about your emotions
If you feel an urge to comment either in your own mind or to a friend that you “feel fat,” pause for a moment. Take a breath and look inwards. What are you actually feeling? What thoughts are going through your mind? Try to be specific and label your thoughts and feelings without getting stuck on them. This will help you actually begin to address what is prompting the distress, while also avoiding engaging in a fat talk-based conversation.
Participate in Body Acceptance Week
This year, Body Acceptance Week is October 23-27th 2023. Check out these resources and ways to get involved! https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/bodyacceptance
Fat talk is often an automatic process in which many women engage. Starting to bring these behaviors and statements more into our conscious awareness can help us begin to treat our bodies with more compassion, kindness, and respect.
Looking for further consultation regarding eating disorders? Get started with Dr. Hosford.
References
Arroyo, A., Segrin, C., & Harwood, J. (2014). Appearance‐related communication mediates the link between self‐objectification and health and well‐being outcomes. Human Communication Research, 40, 463-482. doi:10.1111/hcre.12036
Nichter, M. (2000). Fat talk: What girls and their parents say about dieting. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press
Salk, R., & Engeln-Maddox, R. (2011). If you’re fat, then I’m humongous! Psychology of Women Quarterly, 35(1), 18-28. doi:10.1177/0361684310384107