The Dark Side of Perfectionism
We live in a society where it's not uncommon for people to casually weave statements of “I am such a perfectionist” and “I can be so OCD” into light-hearted conversations. After specializing in Obsessive Compulsive and Related Disorders for over ten years, I like to think their intentions are not to poke fun at mental health conditions, but rather to highlight a blind spot in recognizing that seemingly "normal" behaviors or "quirks" can be maladaptive.
Let's take a look at why the dark side of Perfectionism often stays hidden and shed light on what signals that Perfectionism is no longer just a personality trait but has become problematic.
Why is it so hard to distinguish when treatment should be pursued for Perfectionism?
Unlike Perfectionism, individuals with OCD are often motivated to seek treatment because their obsessive thoughts are ego-dystonic. Their worries are distressing because they are in direct opposition to their core values and beliefs.
For example, someone with Scrupulosity OCD who values their faith will find the experience of intrusive blasphemous thoughts highly uncomfortable. While we all have intrusive thoughts, individuals with OCD experience over-importance or “enmeshment” to thoughts, which causes them to feel like thoughts can have significant meaning about who they are. The more ego-dystonic the thought, the scarier it can feel for the OCD sufferer. This leaves individuals stuck in a repetitive loop of escape and avoidance behaviors as they attempt to undo the significance or meaning of the thoughts through compulsions. Although OCD is underdiagnosed and treatment is often delayed, individuals will present to treatment motivated to get relief from their recurring ego-dystonic thoughts and repetitive behaviors.
This is often not the case for Perfectionists, even when behaviors become problematic and are comorbid with a mental health disorder like OCD. This is largely because Perfectionism is ego-syntonic, meaning their thoughts on achievement, order, and discipline are directly aligned with their values. It is not surprising that the unintended consequences of unhealthy perfectionism are often viewed with rose-tinted glasses.
We live in a society that values wealth, education, appearance, and high achievement. Perfectionists can often be seen at the top of these leaderboards. This makes it easy for individuals to turn a blind eye to problematic Perfectionism due to the satisfaction and relief they experience when a goal is achieved (e.g. getting a coveted promotion, being praised for having a beautifully manicured home, receiving college credit for AP exam scores, being published in a respected journal, or having a “perfectly” planned family reunion trip). The internal and external praise reinforce the problematic cycle.
At what cost was this standard reached?
Often what remains hidden is the severe anxiety, persistent self-criticism, emotional burnout, excessive over-performance, agonizing indecisiveness, extreme fatigue (caused by procrastination), and isolation that plays shotgun on the journey towards goal achievement.
These costs continue to amplify as the Perfectionist moves further and further away from flexibly completing tasks. Rigid internalized beliefs (“I can’t make any mistakes”, “I should be able to do this”, and “If I am not perfect, I am a failure”) begin to take root as unattainable expectations and unachievable standards are not met perfectly, since the “standards” keep moving. When the Perfectionist’s self-worth is tied to achievement, the fear of failure leaves them reeling with long term costs to their interpersonal relationships, academic or work performance, and physical and mental well-being.
When Perfectionism has turned maladaptive and is accompanied by a mental health disorder like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, it is important to seek support from a specialist. To learn how Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can support you in working towards your goals and generating greater internalized flexibility, connect with Kelsi Libfraind.
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