New Year, Same You (And that’s okay)
An estimated 40% of people make New Year’s resolutions, and January can be a month of inspiration and challenge as a result. I am often amused by the ways people express with certainty how long it takes to sustain a behavior for it to become a habit. The truth is the days/months/years to create a habit is really dependent on how complex the habit is, and how seamlessly the desired habit fits into your life. There are a couple of principles from DBT that fit nicely into the process of behavior change:
Everyone is doing the best they can, even you. We do not wake up and decide that we are going to take each day at 50%, but rather tend to put our available resources into where we put our efforts. The resources we have are affected by several factors, including temperament, resilience, physical health, mood, and even social support. I had surgery recently, and have been instructed repeatedly to rest and recover. My biggest challenge with this instruction is the fact that I am a busybody, and sitting still really does not fit my DNA. Everyone in my household is hyperactive (clinically diagnosed with ADHD), so there really is very little sitting still, even on our best days. For all of our hyperactivity, there are also people who have a much lower energy level, and their best might look like sitting still.
Everyone wants to change. So the data on New Year’s resolutions would be that 40% of people want to change, but I have yet to meet someone who did not have some changes that they desired.
Change requires increased effort, which is hard when we are already doing the best that we can. I often have clients who have a laundry list of changes that they want to make, who then get super frustrated with me when I ask what commitments they currently have that they would alter to make room for the new changes. If you are doing the best you can, and you want to change, we will have to find some space for these changes.
New behavior has to be practiced in many environments. This principle is meant to highlight that new behaviors will only become consistent when they are demonstrated in other places. For example, people who are consistent with exercise routines tend to have some exercise while on vacation and outside of their gym, rather than only exercising at the gym.
Behavior change is incredibly doable, especially if you can anticipate these challenges. Let me put this into context. Imagine that you would like 2025 to be the year you eat healthier. With eating behavior, people often seriously underestimate the complexity of the behavior, and the brain mechanisms that work against restraint with food. It is estimated that we make an average of 400 food-related choices each day. You decide when to eat, what to eat, whether or not it is plated, what size of bite you take, how much you chew, how fast the pace of eating, and what cues that eating is finished. In the background, most brains view food consumption and fat storage as protective, so rewards highly palatable food choices and works to push past restrictions. Such a complex behavior! This behavioral pattern is so complex most diet research has set a standard that dietary change has to be sustained for at least 5 years to be considered successful. Fad diets that call for a strict 30 days or hard 75 days will be very unlikely to meet the sustained behavioral success mark, and often create the yoyo dieting behavior that worsens overall physical health.
So how can you be more successful when your behavioral patterns and even brain may be trying to undo these changes? For one, you have to make space for the changes you want. If you want to have pre-planned meals, you will need to set aside time to create that planning and the tools to be effective. A year ago, I made a commitment to my family that we would have weekly lunches prepacked on Sunday so that we can have easy options with lots of vegetables. This commitment became much more complicated when my daughter shifted her horseback riding to Sunday afternoons, taking away my prepping window. With a few schedule shifts, I found a new one, but had to drop something else to fit it. I also find that as a clinician and business owner, I only have so much mental bandwidth for behavior, so prefer a grab and go option and less planning on a daily basis. For two, your changes have to fit multiple environments. If you can only follow a plan while eating at home, you will either repeatedly go off of your plan when you travel or go out with friends or restrict your social life, both of which will unravel the intended change. If the criteria are so tight that you can’t follow it in must environments, then it is not worth the behavioral effort. For three, you have to want these changes and feel they would be how you want to live. A lifetime ago, I worked with a medical group that promoted a shake diet for weight reduction. No matter how “good” those shakes were supposed to be, no one wants that to be their behavioral pattern for five years, let alone forever. You may use shorter time frames to coax along changes, but the main goal has to be the desired change for your lifespan, not just 30 days.
As I am writing this, the Apple commercial about “Quitter’s Day” just came on in the background. Remember, when a behavior change becomes discarded, this does not make you a quitter or mean that your brain outwitted you. It only means that the behavior change was not the best fit for you.
For more great ideas on making changes, check out this blog from Dr. Raines, this blog from Dr. Page, and this blog from Dr. Rogers.
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